I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
