Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
