plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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