Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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