and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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