Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
