drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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