i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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