I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
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