Soap is not a condiment
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
high people should be assigned attendants
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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