I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
