my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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