o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
