His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
