you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
