I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
