id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
