I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
