Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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