you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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