Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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