forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
