in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
