you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
