Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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