Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
