the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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