kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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