Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
