Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My balls are so social today.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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