my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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