I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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