Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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