You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
