Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
