Where are you?
In a non slutty way
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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