Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
