tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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