I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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