did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
