Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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