I'm really into asian looking animals
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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