Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
