im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
