That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize