I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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