I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
