He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
