I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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