brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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