before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
