found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
don't judge my taste in strippers
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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