you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
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how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
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It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
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