Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
