The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
