just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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