i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Sorry my hands just texted you
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
