I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Someone signed my nipple.
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