im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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