A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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