Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
40s are totally the cure
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
