Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
