I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
