Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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