She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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