There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
