I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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