I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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