....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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