Four minutes until I can fart!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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