just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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