I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
