there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
