I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
