I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
